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Solitude. #25

Let’s make it crystal that there is a huge difference between voluntary solitude and loneliness. Solitude is the state of being together with oneself; by yourself. Where as loneliness is the state of being away in a sense of stricken connection with others. One is a symptom and or start of a depressive time and another a positive enlightening process. 

I have always been an advocate for solitude, though I caught myself drifting towards the loneliness side of it. We all are in connection all the time, social media connects, internet is a worldwide connection of ever roaming thoughts and ideas. But I feel in this era of apparent useful connection of people to this ginormous degree, we have lost ourselves. People feel ever so distant from their family and friends, those fishing trips and hikes with buddies have turned into a mountain photoshoot. And as it is a topic that could be related to a huge degree with loneliness, we have forgot the idea of solitude. 

Solitude isn’t just the state of being alone, its actually quite scary; you’ll be alone with your own thoughts. And believe me when I tell you that you can be scary to yourself. When people try to enter solitude. They forget the reason for it. It isn’t to gain magical powers of that in an instant you’ll be the “best you could be” kind of thing. Its long, its tiring, its scary. When that metal object in your pocket is away from you and you are in an unknown place with unfamiliar faces perhaps staring at you, that’s when you’ll truly know yourself. Now here’s the thing I find utterly ludicrous; people think that solitude and finding themselves; their inner selves is how they will know themselves. I know this sounds repetitive, but look at this; their presupposition is that their real self is good. Are you sure that your month long decluttering will manifest an angel to you? No! You never know. The proper idea of solitude is to not accept who you are, but to know who you are and make it better. I say “it” because it will feel different, you might cry realising how cruel you’ve been to yourself or to others, how you could’ve changed your life five years ago, all the suppressed guilt, regret, sadness, everything will be open to be attacked by your now-self to make it go away because it just might be that dreadful. Its only when you’ve cleared yourself of the fog and the translucency of what you are that you might connect with the people that are important to you, the best. Its only when you have left being an imposter and are real that the real ones around you will come in your life, things will declutter for you… 

All this might seem like a statement for not being in a state of solitude, but it isn’t. But why would anyone want to be in such a state? Why this gnarly being would you look at? Well its a simple answer… you wanna be the human you desire to be? That’s what you gotta do, you’ll never that human unless you change your inner-self, its on you my friend, its your choice. Go and slay the dragon. 

“I never found the companion that was so companionable as solitude.” – Henry David Thoreau

Solitude

What you can do if you are a nobody. #22

Attention is something we as humans absolutely love, now degree matters, but, having attention also increases the chances of feeling loved and admired. We all know someone in our relationships who has accomplished more than anyone and when enters a room all eyes shift towards him/her and that’s, well, in general sense, ‘somebody’. Unless you were born in a royal family and the society still cares about the family, you started where everyone starts and will start, being a no one.

You have to define what you mean by a ‘somebody’ or a ‘nobody’ first, its the paramount you just can’t ignore. If you do, get ready to be thrown into an abyss of self-doubt and an unsatisfactory life, and that just sucks. Is it the man or woman who is greeted by everyone at the office? Is it the neighbor who is invited every now and then from different homes for dinner? Is it the class topper? Who is it? There has to be someone that you have looked up to and made that idea of a ‘somebody’. Pause for a moment and warp yourself back to the time when you said to yourself, “I wanna be him/her.” Is it respect? Attention? Certificate from a top university? Promotion at your job? Or a Nobel? You have to make it crystal. Abstract concepts are to be devised when they have become an epitome of your idea of an archetype. Its incredibly important, you’ll be wading around in circles your entire life, unless and until you figure out what’s the standard for you. You can’t even say you are a nobody unless you define the ideal. The second to president might think he is a nobody as his ideal, generally speaking, would be the president, whilst he definitely is a ‘somebody’ to us. 

Now that you have defined an ideal for yourself, you now know where you stand. Now what’s to be done is what the ideal did, work. The cliched and boring truth of life, for almost anything. But let’s be real, let’s devise a practical way. 

First thing to realize is that the concepts of being the better person is generally relative to one’s own thoughts and beliefs. I can’t emphasize enough on the fact that you have to leave the idea of climbing the mountain, when you can’t even walk up the stairs. Honestly this is related to the idea of being an “influencer”, we all want to have a million followers “So that we can help them”, but yeah, who gives a damn about the beggar on our streets, lets help the person a hundred miles away from us, first. I’m not saying not to help the person miles away, but the guy in your streets has to have a first priority. And the same will go for the ‘nobody’ near the person, you were trying to help, a hundred miles away. It’s not as if you have no power to do anything at all and as I’ve stated the idea of being a ‘nobody’ (I’m tired of even using the word by this point) is relative. So stop whining, I even wrote a whole blog explaining how you have an enormous amount of effect, that you ignore, you may read it here if you want. Stop thinking stuff that make you weak and impulsive, you have what it takes, but it’ll be hard. Go get it.

“No one can construct for you the bridge upon which precisely you must cross the stream of life, no one but you yourself alone.” – Friedrich Nietzsche.