Fair play

Why play fair? #19

We are always told to be fair, be just, play as per the rules, without cheating. But have you ever wondered why? Like, we know it to be true, playing fair and square is the right thing to do, but how, how does it play the role of being the better way? Today you’re going to find out exactly that.

“Everything is fair in love and war”, I find the quote one of the most appalling statements of all time. First, that makes acid attackers, rapists, violent protests and everything done in the face of love or war absolutely justified. You make the statement an axiom. Even war has had rules; not destroying trees, not killing the innocent, the women and children, the elderly and so on. Regulations are in every aspect of life and are paramount for our sustenance. But the urge to cheat still exists, the win will be instant if you do, maybe you’ve bet a lot and cheating is the only way. But where does the conscious and why does the conscious knock at those times. For some its mild, for some quite a lot. We go on preaching kids, “Winning doesn’t matter, how you play matters.” Its a see-saw of a statement, here’s the dichotomy:

Lets say your child is in a game of football, he is tripping other kids down because of his strength, it overpowers all the others, its a huge advantage, they aren’t coming near him, the referee does call foul when your kid does that, but the fear other kids have of getting mauled, is giving your child a head-start at every pass. What do you do? Its a harsh truth and might hurt a bit, but the “right” thing to do depends on your child’s ambition. Is he playing for just one time, or is he preparing for a tournament? If its just one time, like were some wars in history, rules were thrown out for the sake of win. But you don’t want to win a game, but a number of games, life isn’t a single match but a ton of tournaments consisting of hundreds of matches. Your kid won’t be allowed to play if he’s violent and doesn’t play by the rules, he will be exiled from the community of social interactions and that has a huge effect on children. Playing fair maybe causing loss in the mean time, its making you aware of your own shortcomings, those shortcoming are to be improved and then repeating the cycle over and over, trying one’s best to win the set of matches, not one. That’s why, “Winning doesn’t matter, how you play matters”, is a bit contrasting, you want to win, you should strive to win, but the set of problems (life’s matches), not one. I learnt this back in my cartoon watching days when Inazuma Eleven used to premiere on Nickelodeon, loved that show. They used to lose so many matches, but never cheated and finally their resilience paid off. 

Its fascinating to know that we humans obviously have a hard time remembering certain things where as some things just stay, here’s a fact to think about: we humans always remember the man/woman who cheats, always, its in us, we are great at detecting cheaters. This province, you could say, helps us maintain a structure in our surroundings, society functions better, we all play the meta-game, knowing or unknowing and winning in all games in the set of all games isn’t the goal, its being invited to play, that’s the real win, you get your chance, your chance at the world and it will only occur when you play fair.  

Here’s a must watch heart warming video:


Thanks for reading today's blog on the reason to play fair, hope you liked it. Let me know what you think and if you want to add something to it, comment down below. See you tomorrow.
Businesswoman changing reality of drought to spring season

A simple way to change the world. #17

This is the simplest and the most effective way you, yeah you, just you, can change the world. The title says simple, but that’s in relative to all the other options. Okay, first we have to figure out what to change so that everything falls into place. Is is the roads? Tress? Rivers? Sewers perhaps? To be real its the people. Its all them, the bad souls that exist in the world. The corrupt politicians, the burglars, the rapists, that neighbor of yours and all the others we want to see change, we aren’t bad people, so, we just want bad people to change rather than annihilate them. Change is required, absolutely. Its stated and known. 

Isn’t the above paragraph a relief? I think it is, just if we had a snap like of Thanos, we could just wipe out the bad and degraded souls and then would be the utopia we all desired, full of peace and serenity and most importantly, you. Well there is no snap. So what do we do? Don’t worry, I won’t and am not ranting here, I’ll give you the solution, a practical one. 

Most of us follow a personality, a person we admire, so much so that we wan’t to become them. I do too, but what is it in them that’s so fascinating? Why do we want to be like them and have an “impact” like them, be a philanthropist an educator and so on. Why is that? I see so many adults whining around, trying to have an “impact on people.” I don’t have a problem with them trying to make people’s lives better, have the “impact” and whatever, the problem is the way we, with seemingly no “impact” feel about the things. “Oh, I’m just a spec of dust in 7 billion.” Its a fair argument to why your actions don’t matter. If you seize to exist not much will happen. Are you sure? Actually I used to think the same, the same as anyone wishing to change the world would think about the matter. But I encountered an epiphany while watching a video, that changed how I wanted to change or have the impact I wished of, onto the world.

In your lifetime, you’ll meet a thousand people, maybe more but not less and we know how a single human’s behavior can effect us, its undeniable. Lets do the math:

1000 (the people you’ll personally meet) x

1000 (every person that you’ve had an impact on, has his/her own 1000) = 

1,000,000.

That’s a lot actually. So your actions, thoughts, behavior and presence has an impact of a million combined and its up to you, how you want those million to exist in the world. Yeah not all care, but lets say just 100,000 people see the effect and just half act on it. That’s a whole locality in an urban area. So yeah, you aren’t just a spec of dust in 7 billion, you have an impact by the way you greet, talk, walk, behave, and think. Those people you admire know this, they didn’t complain that they don’t have the power when they were just like you and me, they worked and realized that they will see the impact, only when they’ve changed for the better. So use this power, be conscious of it and if you really want to change the world start with the million you have. That’s exactly the mindset you need, to change the world and yeah as you might have figured by now, starting with you. Imagine if just 10 people, including you, could be your spouse, gf/bf, father, mother, brother, sister etc. just your family changed, the world will be a better place. But in the opposite path, as we have always known, one rotten apple, spoils the barrel.

Every person matters.

“Change starts with you, but it doesn’t start until you do.” – Tom Ziglar

Depression

Depression. 16#

This blog post isn’t going to be advocating for depressed people and their treatment. Rather than writing a huge essay on it, its time to write about a face, phase and perspective you might have not looked into. First things first, I want to clarify that depression is a real problem and people suffering from it need support and proper care by experts.

There was a time when the word “depressed” was taken a joke, parents and the community said, “go for a walk, it’ll be over.” But, now, everyone is aware of the fact that depression is real and a simple walk in the park won’t fix it. But my problem with the issue of rapid increase in depressed people is how this metric works in our minds. Depression is now known by many experts as an epidemic. And its not the war veterans, the bed-ridden patients who are the most depressed but the millennium. The teens who were cradled to death. The confusion is so massive that adults think just because you have had some sad days and you don’t feel so good, you are depressed, officially. That’s not how it works, until you are diagnosed by a psychologist or psychiatrist for depression, you are just sad, that’s that. 

The problem is people, especially the youth is now using depression as a brilliant undebatable excuse for their short comings and incompetence in handling the struggles of life. And the icing on it is that parents are over protective in today’s world, kid gets in a fight, the parents jump in to save them, kid loses a match, the parents curse the officials. It might be that parents fear the safety of child to a unnecessary degree or worse, they fear that their kid won’t love them if they don’t protect them from every obstacle. 

Interesting is the fact that Dr. Jordan Peterson (Clinical psychologist) found out that many of his patients who were “depressed” were, so to say, cured of depression by having a full breakfast and sleeping on time. I guess the coincidence is not mere chance but fact that we knew that having a proper sleep schedule and having a good breakfast is important. We all were scolded to get to sleep and wake up and have breakfast in proper routine when we were school goings kids. The reason is the importance of maintained circadian rhythms and energy. Its simple as that, people are taking low energy for depression. And then they go to a psychiatrist for some pills and if its a greedy one he/she, besides knowing the fact that you are fine, will prescribe you pills and there you go, you added one more thorn in your life. 

The so called smartphone generation is the most depressed. I’d say the constant anxiety to post and get likes for validation gives the key to one’s own happiness to an anonymous person. That’s why I quit social media for some months, you should try it too. Unless you are an enterprise and do sales via social media, you can quit for some months, at least 30 days. 

One drawback in the life philosophy of “happiness” is that people go crazy, as to why their life is so full of problems, one after the other. Even in the movie “Pursuit of happyness” the movie ends with stating this, “…this part of life, this small part is life is called happiness…” I’ve always advocated for pursuing fulfillment rather than happiness. Even the riches of the riches have problems and face anomalies to degree unimaginable to the worlds below them. 

The face is what we put in front of others to decimate or validate, phase is what we all go through and will go through from time to time, bad and rough days or months or years, that’s life. Perspective is what you need, now look into yourself and accept your faults and improve on them, life owes you nothing, their are 7 billion of us, and no one is owed anything. Their will always be someone who has suffered more than you and still is better than you. So gear up for life and good luck.

“You can always die, its living that takes real courage.” – Himura Kenshin

Start small

Always start small. #15

We love the gaudy, flashy and supercilious. The florescent Lamborghini that you can’t afford right now, the 4BHK flat that you can’t buy either and the 12 hour productive life that you desire. Seems like I’ve started on the rough course here. Kinda had to, reality check is important. 

For most of us, the best day is the day where the boss didn’t scream at our face because we delivered, slept 6-7 hours like a baby and felt like world is at peace. We try to work like that and the effort is worn off in a couple of days and we postpone it for the next year. Its a classic parody that we create of our own lives. Story time:

Warren Buffet, who is one of the richest men on Earth, having a net worth of 82.5 Billion $ (8,650 Crores, let that sink in for a moment) started with the smallest step of all. He used to sell newspapers as a kid of 12. He saved some money and bought a soda machine. He placed the soda machine at a barbers shop and in return asked for a commission. Sometime in the future, he bought a couple of more soda machines and did the same, the cash flow was increased, now rather than buying one or two at a time he could buy a bunch. And if we skip past his achievements and struggles that are too vast to expand on right now, we land at, again, 82.5 Billion $. 

Stop and think how small he started, from a couple of dollars, to a couple of hundred dollars, to a thousand, to a million and millions and only then, billion and billions. 

You want that 12 hour focused brain? You need to start by 12 minutes and I am so not kidding. I myself started by 1 minute. I increased the minutes by 1 everyday to a week and by 5 the next week and so on. The biggest mistake people make, is that they are so pumped that they are going to work hours together the next day and they do, they work really hard, sleep just 6, rather than 10. But, the next day the body compensates by headaches, low dopamine (as their was no instant reward) and fatigue. By committing to less than achievable goals in start (with the vision of the bigger goal intact) you channel a snowball effect, it starts small but slowly it accumulates the big chucks and the +1, +2, become +10, +20. 

I feel the same, to work very hard the first day, so that my body adapts quickly, but I know it won’t, its the reality, body takes time. Start slowly, if I can read 10 pages because of the motivation of the first day, I stop at 7 or 8, or less and save the motivation, as to say, for the coming time. I can guarantee you’ll have a great urge to fire up your engines to the max in the starting days, but don’t, just keep it low and consistent. Just as in the gym, people who work their ass off for a week and then are gone for a month, complain about the slow results, if at all any, but the slow starters stay consistent and get results. Here’s a cool video to illustrate the effect of the gradual increase; tiny to massive. 

 

“Great things are done by a series of small things brought together.” – Vincent Van Gogh

Conflict

Should you avoid conflict? #14

As we run towards the finish line of our life, whatever that might be, you’ll have to decide that, there will be situations where you will have to make a split second decision of truce or fight. Conflicts run through societies on a daily basis, you might not even notice them, the negotiation with the street vendor, the talk about the new TV with your spouse, or maybe a restaurant decision with your friends. Someone somewhere will disagree and maybe not eloquently. The confrontation might be so conspicuous that you might even see the lightning bolts coming out either of your eyes. Now, what to do?

I always advocate for the foresight of conflict. Whenever you see yourself making a decision where you and someone else or others will be included, you should know there will be a chance of conflict and proper steps are to be held with. What are those steps? Well, first of all, you have to know the product, place and or opinion very well. As I’ve said before in my blogs, look within. Now look around, know your team, peers or partner. Their likes and dislikes. And accordingly plan the way you are going to put forward the proposal.

But, what if the conflict is purely opinion based? What if its about a career decision you are willing to make, but with the approval of your parents? Then its time my friend, to get ready for some free-kicks and penalties. You know, I was in the same situation, I was told to take a career path that I actually wanted to as well (it was engineering, if you’re wondering) and was prepared for. But somewhere along the line, I completely lost interest and found out that I actually was trying to just please a few and look good in their eyes and so on. The problem wasn’t that my parents weren’t supportive of my interests, but that I didn’t even inform them about my interests, they didn’t know it even existed. I’ll tell you what happened to me, maybe that’ll give you a map in a way.

I was preparing for an entrance exam and I was tired out of my mind, I had no interest in the career I was trying to hit. I could see the same in so many of my classmates as well, hiding in the shadows of suppressed thoughts. Trying to convince themselves that they want it. It was a mess that I wanted to get out of so bad. I was walking back to my place and I stopped by a supermarket. I had cash in my hand, ready to buy a chocolate. The payment line was stagnant, the owner was watching a video on YouTube, and that got me pissed. I moved out of the line and looked at the video he was watching, it was a video on the book Rich Dad Poor Dad by Robert Kiyosaki. I knew about it, even the channel he was watching it on. I asked about it. He replied that he liked watching videos like that, helped him get better at services for his customers. He quickly finished the the queue and the people left and him and I talked about business and interests for a while, about an hour. He asked if I wanted the path I took, I said no, clearly not. He advised me to talk about it with my father, I wouldn’t have been convinced to, but after he told me his story of being an owner of a huge supermarket, how he got to where he was. A spark lit in me. I ran back home, texted my dad, I told him everything, and there was a bit of disagreement, after all, it was sudden change in the wind.

After a long talk on phone, my nerves being on high and brain being full of dilemma. He agreed to get me back home. The next day I left for the classes, but rather I actually went out to eat, alone, in a deserted restaurant. I was at peace. Trekking back, I went to the same supermarket and thanked the owner for the advice, he was happy for me and wished me a good life. I gave him a hug and jubilantly ran back. The next day I was at home and things weren’t the same ever.

It wasn’t that easy as it might seem, I actually had never dared to disagree on matters. But now, I speak what I think. That’s how you know the right or wrong. I, no doubt had thought that maybe changing my career would hurt my family’s feelings, but coincidentally, I heard a talk of Gary Vaynerchuk, he said that people go where there parents want, their community wants, the relative they don’t even like wants and after 7 years of endless grinding on the path. He/she gets the job or place and they are unhappy, resenting their parents, as to why they had them take this or that. Its better to have them a bit disappointed for 7 years and then live with them, spend good time with them and be happy for the years to come.

If you are a student, I’d say, speak your mind, don’t fear the conflict, but be really careful of the path you are about to take, the risk factor and all, its a long road ahead. Maybe your family won’t like the idea, maybe they won’t support you as much, but save yourself from the resentment that so many in today’s world face. It’ll creep in from unexpected directions. When you are happy and content, that’s when you make people around you happy and cherish you. They’ll be happy that you are happy. Don’t skip conflict for momentary relief, it will come, the more you delay it, the more weight it’ll carry and the more difficult it will be to solve it. You’ll probably won’t solve it as it’ll seem late and you’ll die full of regrets and resentment. I don’t want to be that man, what about you?

“Regret is poison.” – Gary Vaynerchuk